An inconsistent tone and characters as deep as cardboard cutouts, Waititi’s Next Goal Wins constructs an echo chamber for his self-hatred and noticeable transphobic thoughts. It did not just miss the goal, it’s a foul.
Taika Waititi’s Next Goal Wins, based on the 2014 documentary by the same title, premiered at the 48th Toronto International Film Festival. While it does offer a brisk and light viewing experience, peppered with some laughs – it doesn’t score any goals (ok, I promise I’ll hold back on the sports puns). Filming took place a few years ago, and the project was held due to Waititi’s prior engagement to Marvel. Though, if this is the alternative – I would advise him to shove his tail between his legs and crawl back to Disney.
Failing soccer coach Thomas Rongen (Michael Fassbender) reluctantly accepts a position with the worst soccer team in FIFA’s history – the American Samoa team, who not only never scored a single goal in their entire career, they have recently suffered a 31-0 loss. The first act works well in establishing the characters, plot and tone. It is clearly a Taika Waititi film filled with his particular type of humor and rhythm, like the scene when Thomas is being laid off and “goes through” the 5 stages of grief.
But from the moment Thomas gets to American Samoa, the tone changes into somewhere between a sports film parody and a sincere comedy that happens to have soccer in it – but it lacks the humor or the drama of either to be a success. There are some directorial decisions that only underline the heart of the film and characters in order to stuff in more not-so-funny jokes.
In between TIFF screenings, I decided to unwind by watching The Princess Bride: Home Movie on YouTube, which consists of Hollywood stars recreating the classic in its entirety during the 2020 lockdown. You could imagine my surprise when all of a sudden Watiti himself appeared with two literal cardboard characters next to him. There was someone behind those cardboard cutouts holding them in frame, but Watiti was the only one with a face or voice. Not much has changed in Next Goal Wins, with every character having the depth of cardboard cutout and Watiti’s voice coming out from inside of them, letting his racism and bigotry slip through.
The worst sin is Jaiyah (portrayed by Kaimana), a historical figure in FIFA, being the first openly-trans woman to play soccer in the international league. From the moment she appears, Waititi doesn’t handle it gracefully, to say the least. Jaiyah is not only the butt of the joke most of the time, there is way too much emphasis on her trans-ness. Just like 90’s “feminist” films would address women and say “wait, but how can you do that? You’re a woman!” only for those women to overcome their expectations, Waititi literally has Thomas tell Jaiyah “wait, but how can you play soccer? You’re trans!”, leaving a bad taste in the viewer’s mouth. I’m not even going into the deadnaming scene that Jaiyah lets go so quickly, or when she dramatically stops taking hormones, and so many scenes that might have been progressive for an 80’s film. That’s a red card for Taika (sorry about the puns, they’re right there).
The subject matter is interesting, but is handled dishonestly and uses its cardboard characters for its puppet show rather than tell their story. The end-note sentiment of “just take it easy, have fun with it” feels forced. It might be what Taika wants to tell to himself after surviving cut-throat Hollywood, but it doesn’t ring true, turning the whole experience cynical instead of heartwarming and inspiring.
